Insane Clarity
Kris/Adam | PG-13 | 1,028 words | 10 November, 2009
Beta: None.
Warnings: Ever-so-slight infidelity. Sorta. Well, no, yes, it's there.
Summary: After listening to Kris's album, Adam has some clarity, and decides to tell Kris about it.
Notes: This was written in honour of the Kradam anniversary at beepxbeepxbeep. The prompt was, "Adam hears 'I Need To Know' for the first time."
***
Is there clarity in this insanity?
Yes, Kris, there is, Adam thinks. He pulls off his headphones and jumps up from his couch. Grabbing his keys, he leaves his three-bedroom house in Beverly Hills and finds himself knocking on Kris and Katy's door before he can remember driving over to their apartment.
Kris opens the door, and a smile lights up his face when he sees Adam. "Adam...hey!"
"Kris. Hi."
"C'mon in, man," Kris says, backing up to let Adam in. "Katy's out with some friends, and I was just working on some stuff." Adam enters and looks into the living room of the flat to see a used notepad and Kris's acoustic waiting.
"Sorry for coming by unannounced."
"It's okay, man, I could use a break. I love having you over, you know that."
"Yeah."
"So...what's up? You want something to drink?"
Adam thinks, no, I just need to... What? Now he doesn't know why he's over here. "Yeah, sure. Water will be fine," he says as Kris ambles into the kitchen.
He's wearing shorts and a worn t-shirt. Totally relaxed Kris. Good.
"I just finished listening to your album," Adam says.
Kris's eyebrows raise, and he sets the pitcher of water down on the counter, having not poured a glass yet. He's waiting. "Yeah?" he says, and Adam hears the waver in his voice.
Adam nods. "Yeah."
"And...? C'mon, man, don't leave me hanging. What did you think of it?"
Adam thinks about all the things he's heard, all the lyrics replaying over in his mind. The whispers of the media about Kris and Katy's marriage, about how he knows it's not true, and now, being one of the first to hear the final album...
"How are you and Katy?" he blurts out.
Kris's brows knit in confusion. "I...er...what?"
Adam shakes his head. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have asked. I just..." He takes a step closer. "The lyrics, in your songs...they're kind of... Is there any truth in them?"
Kris sort of laughs under his breath and finally turns to pour a glass of water for Adam. "Of course there is. I wrote them. Why?"
"Are you and Katy okay?" Adam asks, clarifying.
It's a minute change in Kris's shoulders, but after spending the most ridiculous amount of time they had with each other in the past year, Adam sees it, and frowns.
"We're fine!" Kris says, showing his face while he hands over Adam's water.
Adam takes it, but then sets it on the counter. "Katy isn't just out with friends, is she?"
"What do you mean?"
"You have the worst poker face on the planet, Kris. Something's wrong."
Kris's eyes slide to the side, and his tongue peeks out to wet his lips. He looks like he's about to say something, but then stops.
"I know you're confused right now," Adam says, stepping closer, and Kris looks up. "I know when you wrote those songs, we were on the road, and people were saying..." he takes a deep breath, "People were saying things about us." He takes another step forward and slips his hand around Kris's, and Kris's fingers slip between his, gripping tight.
"You sang about needing to know your path. About needing clarity."
Kris nods. "Katy hasn't slept here in a few weeks," Kris says.
Adam's heart breaks a little at the small sound of Kris's voice. "I'm sorry," Adam says.
Kris shakes his head. "It's been coming for a while. We just kept denying it. My life has been... So many great things have been happening, and the rest of it just moving farther and farther away, and now I don't know what to do."
Adam pulls Kris to him in a hug, their arms clenching tightly around each other, and Adam lays a hand to the back of Kris's neck, tucking his head down next to Kris. Kris's face is burrowed in Adam's shoulder; a place it always seems to find.
Adam kisses the side of Kris's head. "I'm sorry, Kris. But we'll figure something out."
Kris pulls away a little, his stubble brushing Adam's cheek. He's really close, sharing air, and Adam's breath catches. "I've always known you were my constant, you know that?"
"What do you mean?" Adam replies quietly.
"Ever since we met, you've been...there. Here. Like this. You've never wavered."
"That's not true."
Kris nods. "To me, you're the one thing I can always hold onto, even when things are insane. I really sort of love you for that."
Adam's arms clench involuntarily, and Kris's head tilts back. "Kris... I don't... I'm not perfect."
"I know you're not. That's why I love you."
"You don't mean... Not like..."
"Maybe I do."
"Okay, now I'm needing some clarity here," Adam says, and he tries to pull away, but Kris won't let him.
"I've got all the clarity I'll ever need," Kris says. "Right here."
And then before Adam has a chance to react, Kris's face is right there, and their lips are touching, and it's the sweetest kiss Adam thinks he's ever shared.
He thought their first kiss would be more passionate...something would just finally explode between them. That is, if he were to admit he'd thought about such things. But this...this sweet vulnerability...
Their lips part and yet still touch and they share oxygen for a moment, and then like the swell of a song, Kris pulls him in again, and it's passionate but not fevered. It's intense, just like so many hidden things with Kris are, but not rushed, not out of control. Adam's never been kissed, never kissed like this before.
When it's over, their foreheads touch and their breath still mingles. Adam's chest feels way too full, and Kris is gripping him way too hard, but it feels way too right.
"I need to know..." Kris says quietly, and the last song Adam heard whispers in his ears.
"What?" he answers with a breath.
"Can I make you believe? In this? In us?"
"I thought I'd have to convince you," Adam admits.
"You don't. You've never had to."
"You'll never stop surprising me, will you, Kristopher Allen?"
"Probably not, no."
"Then I already believe."
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